Now and again I watch Mariana do something that will make me wonder about what her future holds. It could be something innocuous like how she dances. It could what she chooses to draw and how well she draws it. It could be what clothes she wants to wear that day. All of these little moments can lead me to think: will she be a good dancer? Or a spaz like me? Are her wild flailings now the makings of Shakira? or Joey Ramone? My imagination can run from "she's a genius" to "she's doomed". At dinner she often stuffs her face and then tries to talk and careens around on her chair, spewing foodlets in all directions. People tell me, relax, she's 3 yrs old. My neuroses lead to morbid fantasies of her doing this in high school as all the cool kids back away quickly.
I worry and I wonder. Sometimes I see her do something quirky and wonder whether the right person will come along and see the beauty in her imagination. Or will people just think she's weird? Will she be 30 and still living at home, miserable and dissatisfied with her life? Will she be happy? Man, lots to worry about.
Then sometimes I go to my happy place and dream about her going to college, having a great career and finding this great guy. Successful, smart, an avid cyclist and Yankee fan. We can bond over hating the Red Sox while doing charity rides together. The son I never had. He and Mariana have some wonderful children and everything is beautiful. I can die happy knowing that she is loved and in a good place. I hope that these are the extremes and that she ends up leading a good life, whatever she chooses that to be.
