Yaaawwwwn, what's for dinner?

Ah the life of the unemployed... I'm sitting here this afternoon killing time on the computer and thinking about what sides to make with the flank steak I have marinating since last night. I'm not sure what's more disturbing; the shrinking bank account or the fact that I don't even feel like looking for work. I've been home for 2 weeks now and I've realized something: working sucks. For the first time since 1993 I don't have any work on the horizon and it feels oddly good. I've made a few calls and there may be some work happening in December but for now I'm sort of a house Dad. Hilary has a couple of projects going so I've been doing the bulk of Maña duty. For the most part it's been great but I wonder how long the current peaceful state of mind will last. Mariana has days where she's a complete angel. It usually coincides with a day when I'm chill and happy. Then when I have a short temper she's difficult to handle. Hmmm, no kidding right? You mean, she feeds off what I do?! Duh- but not always possible to chill out and be the good/happy-guy/fun Dad. Sometimes I'm the "fly off the handle Spaz Dad" who screams at her for running away when I say "go wash your hands please" or slams the table in anger when she throws her fork with the ravioli on the carpet. Then I have to chill out and apologize for freaking out and try to make her understand that I don't like it when she does that shit. Overall it's been an interesting and transitional time for us these past few months. What it's transitioning to I have no idea. All I know is that I've had a lot more time with Mariana and that's a good thing.

In the photo you may notice a slight distraction on Maña's face. That's because Sesame Street is on over my shoulder. Also the glistening thumb that was just in her mouth - a requirement when holding Teddy but that Pain in the ass Dad made her take out for the photo.

Two, please be over soon, thank you

Here's Mariana in her full glory making her "cheese face". Halloween was really uneventful this year. She's still too little to really get it. But boy is it fun for us to dress her up in humiliating costumes!

M is in the full blown "terrible two" stage and we're in the full blown "oh shit, what if our kid is becoming a brat" stage. She can have a hair trigger temper some days and some days she's fine and dandy. It can be incredibly aggravating. It can make you want to smack her. It can change to a big smile and loviness in an instant though and make you remember that people say it's just a phase that will pass. In the moment it can be so difficult to realize that. Hilary and I are constantly having to check each other. Some days it's obvious- one of us keeps getting mad while the other one is chill and steps in to diffuse the situation. Other days.... not so much, and that's when things get ugly. I've found myself yelling at M and getting petty over the dumbest things. "Sit in your chair until we all finish eating!!" Why does it matter? And really...who cares? She'll learn table manners eventually so why wig out over it now? Parenthood has revealed some ugly things within me but hopefully I'll learn a few things along the way and be a better man for it.