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Now and again I watch Mariana do something that will make me wonder about what her future holds. It could be something innocuous like how she dances. It could what she chooses to draw and how well she draws it. It could be what clothes she wants to wear that day. All of these little moments can lead me to think: will she be a good dancer? Or a spaz like me? Are her wild flailings now the makings of Shakira? or Joey Ramone? My imagination can run from "she's a genius" to "she's doomed". At dinner she often stuffs her face and then tries to talk and careens around on her chair, spewing foodlets in all directions. People tell me, relax, she's 3 yrs old. My neuroses lead to morbid fantasies of her doing this in high school as all the cool kids back away quickly.

I worry and I wonder. Sometimes I see her do something quirky and wonder whether the right person will come along and see the beauty in her imagination. Or will people just think she's weird? Will she be 30 and still living at home, miserable and dissatisfied with her life? Will she be happy? Man, lots to worry about.

Then sometimes I go to my happy place and dream about her going to college, having a great career and finding this great guy. Successful, smart, an avid cyclist and Yankee fan. We can bond over hating the Red Sox while doing charity rides together. The son I never had. He and Mariana have some wonderful children and everything is beautiful. I can die happy knowing that she is loved and in a good place. I hope that these are the extremes and that she ends up leading a good life, whatever she chooses that to be.

Eyeballtini?

Here's M with her best buddy Scarlett on the see saw at school. Everpresent cheeseface smile intact.

I was in the bath with Mariana tonight and she fixed me a drink. Her beloved Shrek movies feature a scene in which Rumpelstiltskin makes Shrek an "eyeballtini"- as in martini- and she likes to recreate the scene. She plays Rumple and I Shrek. She mixes it carefully with a spoon and says "eyeballtini?" and I say "Well, maybe just one..." It's pretty funny that she is already quoting movie lines. So tonight she kept giving me eyeballtini after eyeballtini and I had to say, Well maybe just three, and maybe just 5, 6 etc. However she skipped right from 7 to 9 so asked her, "what about #8?" she said, "well, 8's out this week" HA!

The other day she was a little drunk tired and fawning over Mommy while getting help going to the potty. I love your little eyes, Mommy. I love your little face Mommy. Puke right? So then she tells her "I love you best Mommy when Daddy's not around". What a good kid.

Three

Mariana had her 3rd birthday party today at a park here in Brooklyn. Fortunately the weather cooperated and fun was had by all. What craziness, trauma, excitement, and laughs does she have cooked up for us this year? We shall see.

Mariana and SeverineMariana with Sasha and local girl
Mariana with her main squeeze Benicio

hello again

Hello out there there there there.... Is there anyone there there there there...? I know I have not written in a long long time. I just wasn't feeling it. Life is settling down a wee bit lately. I have a steady job and my Dad is moved into his new place so I have a little bit more space in my brain for writing about my favorite topic: my daughter. She's turning 3 next week. Holy cow.

Here are a couple links to videos. One is from a long time ago that I did as a test but it's fun to see how Mariana has grown in just 1 1/2 years. The other was taken this summer as Mariana tries to beat the heat by "going to the pool" Bed Stuy style. I love that she can be so happy "swimming" in an old cat litter bucket on our front stoop.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aS2geOTGR8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFumezTVaiU

Just a few pictures. Mariana last summer playing croquet. Hanging with Grandma and Grandpa at the Brooklyn Museum. And Mariana doing her Walrus impression.

the art curse

Portrait of a young artist at work in this photo. Here is Mariana working at a table found by her Aunt Maria and passed on to us. So far her drawings are just scribbles of color. Breaking crayons in 2, drawing on her feet and arms or the table are all more interesting at this point than making "drawings". I'm wondering at what point I'll be able to recognize things. She likes to ask us to draw things - cats, characters she likes ie: Elmo and Shrek, animals etc. Then she obliterates them with her marker or crayon. Hilary thinks it's her way of trying to follow our lead. Hmm, not so sure about that. She enjoys painting too - but I think mostly because she can make a huge mess. We'll expose her to this art thing if we have to- but only as a HOBBY.

Bomba Azul

Just ride baby

We went out tonight because Mariana wanted to ride her bicycle. It's actually a tricycle but hey, close enough. I was dragging my ass after working all day and really didn't want to go down to the basement to get her tricycle. This activity also often involves going up and down the block in the cold with breaks for hysteria. She has a tendency to get really frustrated by scooters and ridey things if she can't do it herself. Very independent that one. However since we last tried this tricycle she's grown a few inches and she can now reach the pedals easily. It made a big difference. We went up and down the block once with her just pushing along with her feet and me pushing from behind. On the 2nd trip I asked her to try putting her feet on the pedals while I pushed so she could begin to learn that motion, that wonderful magical spinning in circles motion that is bike riding. I WILL MAKE HER A CYCLIST DAMNIT! It was so cool to see how she can steer now too. The whole thing ended up reminding me of the inevitability of her growing up. That however she may seem now it won't last as she continues to learn and develop new skills - good and bad. I think I felt a simultaneous wave of pride and pang of regret that she's not so little anymore.

BrooklynVerni Day

I was going to write tonight to congratulate myself on how easily Mariana goes to sleep. Then she rolled around talking and jumping up and down and going wild for 1 1/2 hours. Hilary went up there twice to field bogus diaper alerts. At some point she cried out "Daddy? Are you there Daddy?" Usually we do as we (ok I) like to call it the drag and drop. There are no books, no story time, no singing- just a quick tickle on her chair, a family hug and then into the crib. Hilary and I live in mortal fear of this changing. Someday she'll have to go into a real bed and then she won't be contained anymore. I can't imagine her not coming out of her room repeatedly once she realizes she can. yikes.

Tomorrow is a big day for us. It's the 2nd annual BrooklynVerni Day. 2 years ago tomorrow we met Mariana for the first time. It's hard to imagine. We're going to celebrate by going out for dinner at Saraghina. yummy pizza. It's amazing how much she's grown in 2 years. From a little lump who couldn't sit upright without a pillow surround to the little girl she is today. Tonight she kept going into my backpack and pulling things out. I admonished her twice. I couldn't quite see and I thought she was doing it a third time so I started in on her. Only this time she wasn't. She put up her hands as if to say "whoa, whoa" and she said "I wasn't going in there". All that was missing was Jeez as in "I wasn't going in there, Jeez Dad, what a spaz.." In 2 years from lump to attitude.

It's nice to be appreciated

Mariana: "You going to work today?"

Joey: "Yup"

Mariana: "Why?"

Joey: "To make some money"

Mariana: "For me?"

Joey: "Well, for you and me and Mommy"

Mariana (thinks for a moment): "Thanks Daddy"

Fierce

M had her first teacher review this week. I had to share some of the words used to describe her in the written report: inquisitive, determined, smart, resourceful and our personal favorite: sassy. One of her teachers even described her as fierce. Fierce?! What the what? Our little peanut is fierce? The report describes how M is confident and gentle, that she can be bold and dive into new situations. Sure, that's true but fierce? I suppose when she wants to pull up her pants on her own and you dare try to help she can get pretty fierce. Usually I think of wolves, or maybe lawyers as being fierce but Maña? It was interesting to hear how she is with other people when we're not around. I can't say we were too surprised by anything they had to say. She is the most amazing thing in all the world to me and we can't wait to see what she does next.
The next day we went to the Pediatrician for her 2 1/2 yr check up. She grew 1" and 3lbs since her last weigh-in. She's in the 9th percentile for height, our fierce little peanut. Her birth parents were none too tall either so she's most likely going to be little. That's ok, my Mom was little too but she cast a pretty fierce shadow herself.

Potty

Hilary and I bought this pig in 1996 in Little Italy just before we got married. Hilary needed an alternative to the money bag that brides usually have to carry around to collect the cards from the guests at the reception. There was a funny old lady in the shop who kept saying as she wrapped it up "That's a bigga pig! That's a nicea size pig!" in a thick Italian accent. We cut a slot in this piggies back to make a bigga piggie bank. Now Mariana gets to ride it.

Potty time, potty time. This week Mariana started using the potty regularly. We have not pushed it, only suggesting now and then that she could use it if she wants. We went out and made a big deal over buying underwear at one of her teachers recommendations. We had to wait until she was ready and I guess now she is. It's kind of a big deal right? The other day we put her down for a nap and 10 minutes later she was screaming and crying for us. Turns out she needed to pee. This after only 3-4 days in underwear. I don't know about you but I was impressed. It does seem like she's crossing some boundary now that she can control her own log movement. And while we're on the subject, she wants to touch her poo. Where does that come from? I was thinking that it might have something to do with the fact that it's such a mysterious substance. It's intensely stinky, she made it inside of her and it's so taboo to touch it makes grown ups freak out when they get it under their fingernails (nasty). How fascinating! Even from the early going she's looked the part. I glanced over once and she had the potty over by the window and was sitting there reading a book. Man I wanted to take a picture of that but restrained myself.

I don't know if I can describe this scene well enough to do it justice but I'll give it a shot. I once read somewhere that it's good to talk to your children as much as possible. They hear language and absorb it like lil sponges. Perhaps I take it too far because sometimes I find myself babbling stuff to her and I'm not even paying attention to what I'm saying. We were walking up the stairs last night and I was chatting away and must have said something about some dude. I have a love/hate relationship with the word dude. I used to hate it as a kid for reasons I don't really remember. Perhaps it had something to do with the kids who used it: preppy assholes at my high school. However over the years I've met lots of great people who use it a lot and it just sort of amuses me now. Anyway, I must have made a reference to some dude while babbling to Mariana. Well she was listening and a few moments later started talking about some dude. I asked her "What dude are you talking about?" She looked at me and touched my chest, with her pudgy pointy little finger and said "This guy".

Fun in the sun

2 things Mariana's said lately that made me have to post again.
Normally when she's in the bath she's much more interested in her rubber ducky than in bathing. She also loves running water from the tap. She has a little cup and likes to fill it up, put some in her mouth and let it dribble out like blood from Gene Simmons mouth. Then she laughs and does it all over again. Anyway, I rudely interrupted her to ask her to stand up so I could wash the rest of her (the bits and pieces). She refused. I said "Don't you want to get clean?" To which she replied "No, I want to stay dirty and stinky". Well alright then.

Although still a little peanut and the shortest kid in her class Mariana is getting taller. She can now wash her hands by standing on her potty (it has to be good for something right?!) She can also stand on it to flip the light switches on and off. This morning she stood on it and turned the lights out. It was a bright sunny morning so you could barely tell anything happened. So she asked me "Where's the dark switch Daddy?" Do you want to vomit with how cute that is?

Really, she's lucky she's so derned cute because she seems to enjoy testing us. She still likes to play with her food and I know she'll grow out of it but it makes me nuts to see her "washing her hands" with salami or tomatoes or any number of gooshy things that I'll have to clean up after. It's part of the learning process, blah, blah, friggin blah.

this video features Maña walking in Grandpa's shoes in Florida. oh yeah, and an appearance by her Nemo gloves, hat and scarf made for her by her Mommy. One doesn't normally wear a hat, gloves and a scarf with a tank top in 75 degree weather but hey, she's a trailblazer.