Goodbye Mom, I love you

Today I said goodbye to my Mother. In a time full of difficult moments it was very difficult to hear my niece reading out the grandchildrens' favorite memories of Nana. It made me realize more clearly how Mariana will never know her. That's so hard to comprehend. How is that possible? She'll never get to taste Nana's pizza or make cookies with her. Mariana's more aware everyday and such a delight to be around and Mom will never get to see that. She won't see her first missing tooth or her graduation or her wedding. Mom bought her some gifts on the last day she felt well enough to go shopping. She was loving and giving right to the very end. Mariana will never even know what she's missing and that makes me saddest of all.

I was feeding Mariana the other day and it made me think about my Mom feeding me and I wept. I stare at Mariana so often with a wondrous drunken haze of love and admiration, like how can there be such a perfect creature? Did my Mom look at me like that? Holy cow, that's powerful. I can hear Mariana making noise in her sleep just now and it makes me smile. On a day like today, probably the worst day of my life, that little girl can make me smile and forget everything for a moment. Is that the way my Mom felt about us 7 kids? Does she know how much I really loved her back? It's easy to have regrets and think about all the opportunities I missed to express it.

click here for 2 silly new videos that cheered me up and I hope will cheer you up as well:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bC5L1eL3xZg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgCOhHtC_gw

Four Oh

So a few words on turning 40. Turning 30 was not the greatest time for me. We had just moved to Chicago and although it was new and exciting it was a lonely time. I had thought that by 30 I would have been a lot more "settled" in a career for lack of a better word. I was happily married but it was tough at times for us as the only real friends we had in town were each other. It was just like when I went to high school and had to start over again making friends. Well it didn't really happen in high school and it didn't happen in Chicago. Oh well, I learned one very valuable thing: that NYC is where I feel at home. I think I also felt like I should have accomplished a lot more by 30 than I had. By 40 however, I've managed to check 2 very big things off the life list: we bought a home and we have a child. I often wish that I didn't have to judge myself against other people- that I could just be happy with who I am and what I've been able to do in life. Being a father to such a wonderful daughter and 10 more years of marriage and being a landlord should be enough right? Could I make more money? Yes. Could I be on a better career track? Without a doubt. But I've done the best I could and right now it feels like everything just fell into place. On the cusp of my 40 th birthday I feel pretty damn lucky.

Mariana continues to astound. This week she learned some more body parts: arms and legs. She takes our fingers and points to different things in the book so we can say what they are. She's finally getting the gist of the tooth brush- that it's not just for clanking around in the cup- that you actually are supposed to smush it into your teeth a bit. We also put a solution of hydrogen peroxide mixed with water into her ears at night as per her doctors instructions. She now knows its coming and slumps willingly to one side to accept it. She asks for Mommy in the morning and when I say she's sleeping, Mariana puts her little folded hands up to her face to show sleeping. She is a genius.

Rest in Peace Joe B

Today I said goodbye to my dear Uncle Joe B. He will be missed. I like to tell people how I modeled my "Uncledom" after him as the funny Uncle. I knew I had graduated to adulthood when Joe B included me in on the dirty jokes. My in-laws still make me repeat Joe B's "disappearing leg" gag, complete with it's own theme music. So today we went to say goodbye and Mariana had the chance to meet some more of the extended family. I makes me sad to think she'll never know how much fun Joe B was.

Here is a little Mariana video to brighten your day and a link to the full video on youtube. She's learning more words every day. Her top favorite of the week is definitely "Mommy". and I swear it's not planned that she's wearing that dress every time I bust out the video camera. -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0jkRjstn_I

Random thoughts

Mariana is from Colombia. How is she really going to know it? Sure we'll take a few trips there someday. I would love to go now but I have no vacation time to use. I'm still getting used to being an employee. It's a grind right now, this time of year. There's a long stretch without a 3 day weekend. Working blows. I want to hang out with Mariana and listen to her little voice develop. She has perfected the pronunciation and usage of the word "no". Shocking right? It must be nice for her to finally get her point across. Each day we hear a new word, today's word: hole. She waves and smiles at herself in the mirror. She can climb onto the ottoman. She's getting good at feeding herself with a spoon. It's hard but sometimes I have to let her fling oatmeal all over the place. She's learning, sigh.... Grandma stayed over 2 nights last weekend. It was fun to see Mariana light up in the morning when she came downstairs to see her. I'm not sure who got more excited though, her or Grandma.

Check out this video. I made a ghetto toy for my baby girl- a Clementine box turned into a sled. Watch as Mariana slides around and at the end implores me to acknowledge her bear (yes, that is what she's saying)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqO8VhmfMis

Spongegirl Scratchface

I can't list all the things I see Mariana learn every day. I've heard people say that kids are sponges for learning and I'm just discovering what they mean. What did she show me this weekend? She knows what a bear is, she can point out flowers and birds in a book, she can even say "sushi" for petes sake. Hilary called me this morning to tell me Mariana's been learning sign language from the video she puts on as a nail cutting distraction. Of course this is all very exciting and and bone chilling at the same time - What else does she understand?! Yikes, guess we have to start s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g things, that parental habit that used to annoy the crap out of me. Although it's probably a few years away it makes me wonder when she'll ask about where she came from. It will never be a secret to be revealed to her on her 18th birthday but rather something we'd like to deal with organically; addressing her questions as they come up. I'm trying not to let it become a big deal in my head so that when the time comes she won't get a panicked look from me.
We had a "date night" out together, just Hilary and I. We went out for dinner in Williamsburg and then walked around looking in store windows. This was supposed to be our hot night out. What did we used to do before Mariana? Movies and drinking and partying 'till dawn? Well, maybe a few times but not for a long while. I have been thinking lately about how it's good that we're already old and boring so the transition to parenthood has been easier.This is Mariana with a mouth full of clementine and a few scratches on her nose from a faceplant on the playground. She's still getting used to the new feet

Sharing

Mariana is such a sweetheart. She wants to share everything. She always goes over to the cat to offer the ball to her. She's undeterred by Green's anti socialism. Yesterday she was really looking into my eyes and talking. Who knows what she was saying but she really meant it. I can see her awareness growing by the day. The way she looks at my lips when I'm trying to get her to speak looks like she's really concentrating. I tried to get her to say "queso" and she came out with something like "kaykoo". Ehh, close enough, I know what she meant.

We went apple picking a few weeks ago. Mariana was into it a little, until she plopped her face into a pumpkin stem- then not so much. That's where these photos come from, Stuarts Farm up in Westchester County, NY. Next year she's going to be physched to run around the pumpkins and eat cider doughnuts and pluck apples from the tree.

Mariana is also sporting her Yankees sweatshirt for the first time - thanks again to Greg and Deb.

Siete/Seven

I think today was really the first day she called me Dada. I mean she pointed at me and said "Dada" when I sat down next to her. I approve. Yesterday when I got home Hilary showed me her newest word, "outside". It's a little slurry but it's clear that she's repeating sounds and words now. Friday I got a call while I was at work saying that Mariana was standing at the door, banging and saying "outside, outside, outside!" It seems we've hit a turning point. She'll now be able to tell us what she wants. Yikes. I keep waiting to hear the f bomb drop from her lips since it's her Mothers favorite word. Soon enough I suppose...

Monday will be a big deal. She will officially know us longer than she didn't- 7 months without us, 7 months with us. We are so hopelessly in love with this little girl. I've spent a lot of time worrying lately; about work, about the house but mostly about my parents. Having Mariana around is such a bright spot in my life. I've been thinking about us as a family and wondering about the future and how Mariana will handle us getting old like we are with our own parents. The Nana and Poppi that she knows are very different than the people in my head. The Mom in my head drives around in a yellow Lincoln, has her own real estate business and looks like Stephanie Powers looked in Hart to Hart. Not the fragile white haired woman sitting in a chair with weird giant blue boots on her legs. Will she ever know how energetic and caring my Mom is? How funny and endearing my Dad is? The Dad in my head still has lots of dark hair in his beard, plays golf every day and does yard work in the middle of August in a turtleneck. Not the 80 yr old man that has a hard time driving at night and seems worn out trying to take care of my Mom. The truth is that that IS them. They still are those people. How will Hilary and I change over the years and how will Mariana remember us? Will Mariana know how her Mother changed her entire life around when she came along? And how will she remember me?

this photo features Mariana with a mouthful of peas

see Mariana entertain in this video. Damned youtube wouldn't accept the music I put with it. Grrr... But you'll see just how sweet she is; trying to get everyone involved, going from person to person with a ball.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lKBcyshFlU

Whack!

Mariana got a big stuffed dog for her birthday from Grandma and Grandpa. She loves it by the way. She also loves the stick from the xylophone that Aunt JoAnn bought her. We call it the "scepter". She wanders back and forth wielding her scepter and whacking anything and everything in her path. How does this tupperware sound when I bang on it? How about this table, or the wall, or Daddy's face? In that same spirit her jackass father thought he would have fun too, using the scepter to whack the little plastic eyeballs on her stuffed doggie. A few hearty whacks and pop, one of them breaks off. Go figure huh? Well, it's a black eyeball on black fur, hopefully Hilary won't notice. 2 weeks later I get a distressed phone message- "Joe, the eyeball is missing from the dog! I think she ate it! Shit, what are we going to do now?! I'm calling the Doctor, maybe she needs an xray... just call me". Whoops, sorry! I had to call her and fess up to my Michael Vick-like treatment of the dog. No need for xrays or doctor trauma, just my stupidity, so no worries.

Mariana hates having her face and hands cleaned like most kids I imagine. Here is a video of me making a game out of it. I soak the towel so it splashes all over the place. I think she enjoys it because it still feels like making a mess which is still priority #1.

MJV walks

I still can't get over it. Man she is cute. check out this video of her walking at home last night:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVb--TMHAUE

Also wanted to say a get well for my Mom. We look forward to seeing you play with Mariana next weekend at your house.

Official Walker

Contentment. We spent the weekend upstate with friends at their house in Kent, NY. We so appreciate their sharing it with us. Only 1.5 hrs north it's a wholly different world. It makes me wonder about our life, the city life. It's what we both always wanted. Day to day we love being in Brooklyn but what does Mariana want? Sunday afternoon she and I played in the kiddie pool on the grass in the sunshine. Their house is far enough off the road that you can't see any cars or even any other houses for that matter. It was extremely relaxing. Are we ready to move out of the city? No, not by a long shot but the thought isn't as remote as it used to be.
Yesterday saw Mariana take her 1st official walk! Only 4-5 steps but momentous nonetheless. Hilary walked with her, holding her hand all the way across the living room and kitchen towards me by the laundry room. Then she released her hand and we held our breaths as she stumbled the last few steps on her own into my arms. It was quite a rush to see this beautiful little creature that could barely sit up on her own when we met walking to me, her Dad. One of the numerous reasons we adopted from Colombia was because the babies were on the average a lot younger than from other countries. For some reason I thought it was really important for me to see my child's 1st steps and hear her first words. I guess I felt like those were such huge early milestones that I'd forever be sad if I missed it. I'm not sure if I still feel that way- so many of my apprehensions about adoption have been unwarranted but I am very happy to witness these firsts.

Speech update: she can now say pee pee, and beep beep. baby steps folks, baby steps...

Doody Duty

The things they don't tell you about in the parenting books are often the more funnny or interesting or disgusting things. Or maybe I'm just not reading many of them (only 1 actually) Tonight Mariana was being a bit fussy. She didn't want to eat much and she was more impatient than usual but I thought that bath time would perk her up. She always has fun in the tub. I got the bath all ready as usual; soap, got the towel ready, dumped some toys in the water and we're good to go. Only step left is to lose the diaper and get in. It was full of poop. Ah no wonder why she didn't want to eat. A big load in your pants will do that to you. I clean her all up nice nice and we get in the tub. Scarcely a few splashes in and she stands up is making kind of a serious face and she feels kind of hot. I started to think she was coming down with something until I spied over her shoulder the sight of my bare leg with little spots on it. On closer inspection there was what looked like a rotten black banana floating in the water. My first thought was "how the hell did I not see that when I filled up the tub?" It's hard to believe that it took me a full 5 seconds before I realized that my sweet little daughter had made a doody in the water. Hilary!! Help!! We hosed her off then hosed me off then hosed the tub down. Wow, that's nasty. No wonder she was acting weird- she needed to go, a lot. Wasn't it me who just last week was posting pictures of Mariana in the tub and writing about "parent revenge"? HA! Mariana always gets the last laugh. We came downstairs and flipped around youtube to see some funny videos for Mariana to calm down, sit still and drink her nighttime milk. We randomly came upon this video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIQ8lBBHznM&feature=related

Eat, damn it

Our least favorite task at this point is feeding time. We can give her something to eat that she doesn't like and she spits it right out, for instance salmon. Ok, no big deal, she just doesn't like it. Sometimes she eats well, humming along, mmmm, I like this roasted fennel Daddy. Then after 5-6 nice mouthfuls into it she looks at me in disgust and spits it out as if I just tried to poison her. Occasionally we try to play some games; having different things feed her like the eye drops bottle or the lint roller or the remote control. Basically anything that she wants to play with becomes bribe material. You want this saline nose spray bottle? Take 2 bites. How about this crinkly old wipes bag? 3 more bites. Eventually even this game ends with a lot of head shaking no and we're on to the next game. We spend the weekends trying to get each other to feed Mariana. Sometimes we get pissed off and sometimes we can laugh about it -like when she spazzed and flung pea soup all over her face. He he, parent revenge.

Doc

Hilary and I are still feeling our way through this "experience". Mariana freaks out at the doctor, it's true. I wish that was something Hilary could deal with on her own. I have commitments that I'm supposed to keep with work. Do I want to go to work? No, but I have to and I have to do it alone. Do you see where I'm going with this? This is where I get into trouble. To be fair this is something we agreed upon a while ago- that we would both go to her Dr. visits to keep her calm. These thoughts are not too helpful when trying to keep a happy household. Fortunately we can talk it through and get over it. Hopefully it's only temporary- as Mariana grows up she'll get used to doctor visits as a part of life and it won't be so difficult to take her there. But this is one part of parenthood that I won't look back on with nostalgia. Nor will I look back at feeding time and pine for those days when she would throw a spoonful of yogurt onto the carpet. Nope, I won't miss that a bit. This morning was tough. I found myself getting all riled up over stupid stuff. Then Mariana started spazzing when I was changing her. I found myself getting very angry. At what? A baby who doesn't want to sit still? Ok, that's pointless. She's a baby, that's what babies do. Fortunately I was able to realize it in the moment and chill out. 

Mama

Mariana can say Mama as of today, much to the delight of her mother. It takes a little prompting but as we walk up the stairs in the morning to wake up Hilary, I ask Mariana if she wants to go see Mama and she says "Mama... Mama!". It's pretty great. Now we have to work on "Daddy". She refers to all animals at this point as "Da Da"- like the cat, the stuffed dog, the stuffed bear. What are you going to do, huh? I am an animal after all. In fact I'm the "Original Sexy Beast" if you remember what my Chinese students used to call me.

Bonk

How much to baby proof. Some say lots, some say none. Sure we grew up in houses that had all kinds of hazards lurking; toxic cleaners in accessible cabinets, sharp table corners, no stair or window guards, toys with small parts to choke on. So why didn't we all end up dead? This guy at work rails against all things new fangled (ie: liberal) yet tells me that I HAVE to build radiator covers, and move all the Lladros to upper cabinets. Dina, our adoption social worker, says she'll learn not to touch the radiators when they're hot as soon as she tries once. It's a learning curve, she says. So who am I to listen to? And what's the harm in being over protective? She'll grow up not learning how to make painful mistakes? So yet again, I need to chill and trust my own instincts. Just because I never stuck a fork in an outlet or swilled a bottle of Tilex doesn't mean Mariana won't. We'll do all that we can to protect her but expect that sometimes she's going to whack her head and eat something off the floor that she shouldn't (ok, technically it was something that was fresh a few hours ago when she threw it on the floor, right?)

Walk the Walk

Walking, walking. This past weekend Mariana started walking behind a little mini stroller. It was so exciting I was literally jumping up and down. It was like when Melky Cabrera hit the go ahead home run against the hated Boston Red Sox on Thursday night. Like, wow, am I really seeing this?! Ok, to diminish my daughters achievements by comparing them to something as trivial as baseball is pretty lame but that was the last time I jumped up and down with excitement ok? But I digress... The point is that as Mariana chugged along with stiff Frankenstieinian gait I couldn't help but feel a swell of pride and love. Another heart bursting moment. I'm finding Fatherhood to be filled with them. At that moment I'm not thinking about when she throws food on the floor or freaks out when getting changed or how I'm going to pay for her college education. I'm thinking "Holy shit, my daughter is walking!"

this video features some of MJV's first steps:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SRRs-gB8oM

photo of MJV with Auntie Morgan in Red Hook-

Birthday Party

Some of you may have seen this already but here is a great video montage that my fabulous sister-in-law put together of Mariana chowing down her first piece of birthday cake and generally enjoying herself at her first ever Birthday party.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3STWNbZXJm0

Mad rush of activity before the party. Paint front door, make new street number sign (we had to make it a little less ghetto) paint Mariana's room, bought new rug, move crap to basement, move other crap from one place to another, finally finish bedbug laundry, clean clean clean some more. Then the party, and now I'm sick, yay! It was worth it though. It was fun to have everyone here on our turf for a change. So thanks to all the family for coming and making it a fantastic 1st Birthday party at home for Mariana. Hopefully we will send proper thank you cards at some point?! Maybe in the fall...

Little Girl

She's such a little girl. Mariana has started becoming a little girl. She picks up her stuffed animals and grins and then clutches them to her chest them while rocking back and forth. It's so damn cute you want to hurl. Where did she learn that? I guess it's just in there. Is she automatically going be like sugar and spice and everything nice? (she already is by the way) I hear a lot about nature vs. nurture and I'm wondering how this plays out with adopted kids. I assume like most people we'll take credit for the nurture part when she's good and blame her birth parents nature when she acts up.

It seems like there has been a big jump in her agility this week. The last time I played on the stairs with her she was hesitant and wobbly. In just the past week she has become so much more confident on her feet. We put a gate across the staircase but 3 steps up at the suggestion of the social worker so that Mariana could practice on just a few stairs at a time. We had been blocking the very bottom of the stairs with the toy chest but she climbed over it yesterday. I went with her to practice and she went right up to the gate lickity split. She stood up on the narrow ledge and turned and went up and down like a little monkey. So often we're too close to the situation to see those little progressions. I guess I'm missing all the developmental action during the weekdays but it was amazing to me to see her moving so well.

One of my coworkers paid me a huge compliment the other day when he saw that last video. He said that Mariana looks happy. It was so simple but it meant so much. She looks happy. It's something I hope for everyday. We're almost 5 months into this experience and so far the Brooklyn Verni's are hanging in there.

Freeboyd

Last night I had my first night in the house alone. Hilary took Mariana to a friends house on Fire Island for her first night away from our house. What did I do? I stayed at the shop working on a project for the house until 10:00. I ate my leftover lunch for dinner. Then I went home and went to bed. Sounds exciting huh? Well, it was. What wasn't in that wrap-up was cooking dinner, making baby bottles, loading the dishwasher, putting away toys or doing laundry. I just went home and went to sleep. The morning was even more enjoyable. I took a shower in the morning! Wild man! I slept late and listened to music and generally just took my time; such mundane things but for some reason they were so satisfying today. I guess removing a bunch of responsibilities will do that for you.

Cruisin' and snoozin'

Sorry for the cheesy post title today. I know it would be more appropriate for an album by Winger or Enuff Z'nuff. Jeez... remember those ass clowns?! Anyway, Mariana has officially started cruising. For those of you not hip to the lingo that means standing on her own and walking while holding on to things. Watch this video to see her standing and babbling towards the open window. Mommy is just outside and I think she hears her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZnBYd7WyU8

This other video shows Mariana's unique sleeping position. Hey, whatever works, she sleeps like a champion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8CiKo2ji8I

and RIP to Frank McCourt, man I loved that book

growing, growing

Mariana is doing a lot of babbling these days. She seems to get the act of conversation but just can't make the words yet. She pauses in the right places and responds at the appropriate time. Ok so she's only saying "gob gob gobbly goo" but she's trying to communicate. The next time she'll say "atsh ATSCH" with hard inflection. She's learning inflection! What else is she learning everyday? Curse words perhaps? Her mother and I both have potty mouths and have not had to curb our cursing for 20 odd years. That's going to be a hard habit to break. "Frickin'" just doesn't have the same oomph. Oh and one word she definitely knows is "flump". It's a made up word that means to crash your head down on one's shoulder and give a quick hug. She's a frickin' genius.
As she nears her first birthday. Mariana has also started to show some of her temper. Brushing her teeth at night can bring on wordless whining- which is the same as tearless crying. She wants to hold the toothbrush and do it herself. 

That's fine kid if you hit a tooth now and then but dentists ain't cheap. She also does this high leg kicking thing and cries as soon as I put her down to change her. I'm just not used to her doing things like this- I don't know how to deal with it. It's just so unreasonable and unnecessary. Why are you wigging out Mariana? I know this is just an ice cube on the tip of the iceberg that is called discipline. There will be a million more situations where I tell her to chill out and I know she will ignore me. How am I going to handle that? I found myself getting flustered and exasperated by her behavior AND SHE'S ONLY 11 MONTHS OLD. Hopefully time and more experience will help me but if I'm getting bent out of shape now, what will I do when she's a teenager and I come home to find a house party in full swing? Just chill Dad, jeez....

pictures: 1. Hanging in the stroller eating leftover pasta and 2. drying off from a sprinkler jaunt in Cobble Hill (much happier than the poop face would imply)

Wheels

I have 2 bikes. A semi fancy race bike that is purely for fun/exercise and a cheapy bike that I bought from Craigslist. The latter is the bike I commute with and the one I was going to affix the baby ride along seat to for Mariana in about another month when she's big enough. Well, plans have changed.

Last week I had a friend at work help me draft a letter to the building owners where I work; 7 World Trade Center owned by the Port Authority. I wanted to request that they find a secure bike storage room somewhere inside the building so that people like me can bike to work and not have their bikes stolen. A few co-workers were willing to sign on as well. I decided I'd better run it by my boss before sending to anyone but he's travelling for a couple weeks so I'll just sit on it for now. Yesterday I got stopped at a light in my neighborhood by a guy with a clipboard doing a survey for the city. He asked a bunch of questions about bike stuff ie: "Have you ever been injured?"(yes) "Do you wear a helmet?" (yes) "Have you ever ridden on the sidewalk?" (whoops, yes) "Do you want to see more bike lanes and racks?" etc. Wow this is great, the tide is turning and people care about making the city more bike friendly. He gave a water bottle for my participation and I rode off to work. As I came down the Brooklyn Bridge into Manhattan I was feeling pretty damn good. It was a bright sunny day and the tourists were not yet clogging the pathways. I thought "Why would I ever ride the train to work?"

At the end of the day I was going to ride home through Chinatown to pick up some food for dinner. I found what was left of my bike by the rack in the back of the building. Someone had stolen the fork and front wheel and left the handlebars hanging by their cables. The rear wheel and frame were still there, locked to the rack. That's some timing huh? The letter, the survey, the jubilant morning rider. Well, I'm not getting Chinese food tonight. I'm not riding this bike with Mariana. Shit, I'm not even riding home today. I clipped the cables to set the handlebars free, took the seat and left the rest to bring home today- if it's still there. I'm not sentimentally attached to that bike and it's paid for itself already in the $4 a day it saved me by not taking the subway. But it still sucks. That was my only form of exercise these days. It's something I didn't have to make time for because I had to take 1/2 an hour to get to work either way. It's been rough adjusting to how much less time I have to do everything that I want to do now that Mariana is here. They say it will get better. ugh. She's lucky she's so damn cute and sweet and perfect. 

C-I-L-L my neighbors

Yesterday we went to a gathering at my parents house. Unfortunately my Mom is in the hospital again so the party was moved from the Poconos to their house. We're all worried about her and hoping for the best. We went to visit her in the Hospital and I hope Mariana brightened her day a bit. Back at the party Mariana was passed from lap to lap and arms to arms by the 423 people in my family. She was a trooper, smiling and being her usual chill self. 

 

I want to kill my neighbors. Dead.

We got home at 10pm or so and just as we had feared there was a party going on in the building behind ours. The music was loud- really, REALLY f*ing LOUD. Mariana slept all the way home but was now waking up to the thunderous bass echoing between the buildings. We had left all our windows open so when we came upstairs it felt like we were inside a club. Closing the windows reduced the noise only slightly and we still had to practically shout at each other while sitting on the couch. We put her down to sleep and crossed our fingers. They've been having parties back there recently and she grew up in Bogota so she can sleep through plenty of noise. But this one was so far over the top it was unbearable. They were set up outside with a DJ and a full-on PA system. Hilary went to ask them to turn it down and they basically laughed at her. The 81st Precinct did pretty much the same thing when she called them. Mariana slept for a little while but then started waking up every 2 hours or so. Finally sometime past 3-4 am the noise stopped but Mariana still couldn't sleep. THEN ALL DAY. The poor thing is so exhausted she can barely crawl. She's all limp and whiny. Who is this kid?! We went for a long walk in the stroller. Nothing. We went for a long drive and only got a few winks out of her. It was almost like she was afraid to sleep. Every time she started nodding off she'd wake herself up crying and then have to be picked up. It screwed up her eating, napping, everything. It was such a beautiful day here in NY and the entire day was wasted. SOOO I want to kill my thoughtless scumbag neighbors. I laid in bed fantasizing about hosing them all down with the garden hose on the roof, making sure to give the turntable and speakers a good soaking. Zap, music's off!! I thought about throwing a Molotov cocktail down on them. Ok, that's a lie but I'll never understand how some people can be so completely disrespectful of everyone around them. In walking around with Mariana in the stroller today I could really see the incongruity of this neighborhood through my sleep deprived haze. Lots of flowers and people taking care of their houses, kids playing on the swings in Saratoga Park. It's really a very pretty neighborhood with lots of decent people. We chatted with a few neighbors who were also pissed off about the music. Maybe if enough of us say something, they'll listen. Then again, a well placed firebomb could do the trick too. Kidding! I'm just kidding.

here is a picture of Mariana with Poppi and some of her girlie cousins

Mornings with Chunky

The mornings are really starting to fall into a routine. Mariana starts rolling around, googooing and gaagaaing around 6 - 6:30 am. I often wake up and hear her through the monitor. Normally I've got tissue stuffed up my nose to stop the whistling that Dr. Mehta gave me when he "corrected" my deviated septum. Thanks Jackass. My ears are plugged because the neurotic pit bull in the yard just outside our bedroom windows has been squealing and wailing all night. Probably I gave up trying to ignore the noise at around 1am and resorted to the ear plugs. So when I awake at 6 to the muffled sounds of my daughter I feel like I'm in a sensory deprivation chamber, albeit a lousy one. Once I've dispensed with the plugs and nose tampon, I try to go back to sleep with mixed results often lying awake until 715 when I have to actually get up and start our day. I go downstairs, feed the cat, make Mariana's bottles for the day, put away the coffee table, lay out the blanket, prepare my cereal bowl and head back upstairs to get my lil' girl. Sometimes awake already, sometimes face down and drooling she wakes up with a big smile every day. Within 10 seconds she sits up and utters her first word "Cat!". Does she just love the cat or is she just happy to use the only word she knows how to say? Since our cat is completely anti-social and prone to hissing at our new bundle of joy I'm inclined to think the latter. Either way she is always smiley and heart burstingly cute. We go to the bathroom for a diaper a change and then downstairs for a little Daddy/daughter time. I feed her her first bottle which she usually takes and drinks on her own now. It's sort of the calm before the storm. I can stare at her and talk to her and play with her hair and she's occupied with the bottle so she sits still. If the cat should happen to walk by she'll start saying cat with a mouthful of bottle. "grgrcagrat!" he he She's funny.

Next

Mariana likes to play with tupperware, toilet paper rolls, socks, and remote controls. Regular toys? Eh, not as interesting. (Though she does dig the hamburger Aunt Maria gave her) She's starting to learn that when we say no that we mean it. We'll let her play with a cell phone but we won't let her put it in her mouth This doesn't stop her from trying over and over and over. She's just starting to show that it's very frustrating to play with some things but not be able to lick them. Sorry, them's the breaks kid. 
Work has been all consuming at times in the past month. This is very difficult to deal with. It means Hilary has to work overtime too. She has been doing a fantastic job but it's not easy. Yeah the economy sucks, yeah people are getting laid off left and right. I can't help but feel like those days and nights spent at work away from my family are lost. I'll never get back that time with them. The work that I do has so little socially redeeming value that it adds to that feeling. I'm giving up my life and time to help Northface sell more crap? I traded a weekend with my wife and baby for Tropicana? What a waste. 
Mariana is learning little things every day. Sometimes we forget that there are so many things that she has never seen before. Everything is new. I guess that's why she's so curious about anything new; the vacuum, flip flops, the cat's bowl, tissues- and you know that all that stuff makes great kids toys. 
My Spanish still sucks. I try to speak to her as much as I can but I'm afraid if she picks up anything it will be with all my errors. It still hasn't sunk in that someone else is going to have to teach her Spanish.

Also check out these videos when you get a chance. Mariana caught on tape babbling in the park and also her first time climbing 2 stairs. pretty exciting stuff:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDTEzlWcf5I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXHKxFzIzZk

Father's Day

Today was Father's Day. My first as a Dad. It's been a long time coming and it was worth the wait. I have THE most wonderful daughter a man could ask for. 

It's been a while since I wrote and I've traded writing posts for sleep. I'm going to try to start writing on the subway. We'll see how that goes. It's summertime and I've been riding my bike to work when the weather is decent so my plan may be scuttled quickly.

Mariana continues to be the dream baby. The occasional cold leads to a few broken nights sleep but nothing too bad. She continues to make my heart swell. The talking/babbling is in full force now. We try to decipher things she's saying because they often sound close to being right. The only word that's clear that she knows is cat- although it sounds more like "dat". She points at the cat and smiles and says "DAT!" She also points at dogs, animals in the zoo and a gray stuffed squirrel and says "DAT!" She's learning still ok?!

She is crawling a lot and starting to pull herself up on the couch and on the drawer handles. Scary. We still need to do much baby proofing. I came into her room this afternoon after she was supposed to be napping and found her up on her knees, hands on the bars like she was down for her crimes. Very cute but it illustrates how soon she'll be trying to climb out of there.

Last weekend was the double whammy of Hilary's birthday and Mother's Day. I wasn't going to make time to write a new post with all that action going on. We bought her a casting kit so we can make a plaster cast of Marianas foot or hand as a keepsake. Pictures are nice but it would be cool to have a handful of that chunkiness preserved in 3-D. We had a visit today from Dina, the amiable social worker we worked with to do our home study for the adoption. 

She had to do the 3 month follow up to make sure Mariana wasn't living in squalor with festering wounds since being brought to Brooklyn. She found the child as happy as ever, making her parents proud by playing comfortably and eating all her food without a fuss. Afterwards we went to my office where she was received like rock star. We holed up in my workshop and my colleagues filed in to kiss her feet. Actually that's what my boss did. Who wouldn't?! They're irresistible. 

Then we went to lunch as a family. It brought back memories of the Halifax Hotel, us sitting together and eating lunch - albeit with tastier burgers this time. We don't do that now. We're lucky if 2 of us at a time are together for a meal. I hope some day we figure out all that. 

Below is a picture of Morgan and Mariana at Hilary's b-day gathering. Mariana is sporting the awesome outfit that Talia made especially for her. She rocks any outfit but this is just over the top.

adjustments

Did I mention that I was busy? Having a kid leaves precious little time for personal hobbies, not to mention doing all the little things around the house like cleaning, sleeping etc. We can't just lounge around all day on the weekend anymore. This is not news to anyone with kids, or to us for that matter, just sort of the way it is right now. I have not yet learned how to manage my time to fit in stuff like exercise, writing, or house projects, not to mention thank you cards. Hilary has been working on them but as of yet we have not sent any yet. 

My work is driving me nuts. Just having to work at all kind of sucks, especially after 6 weeks off. Adjusting to this new schedule of seeing Mariana only 2 hrs a day and on the weekends has been much more difficult 

than I anticipated.

 Staying an hour late was no big deal before, the norm even. Now it means I don't see her at all before her bedtime. It's torturous to be there any longer than necessary and we have not even been all that busy yet. 

Just look at how damn cute Mariana is and you'll realize how she can make the stress melt away. She is such a good baby. We are incredibly lucky. We find ourselves saying this a lot and wondering how we would handle having a baby that was very fussy. Would it matter? Would you love them just the same and just deal with it? yeah, of course...

This video is from Hilary's afternoon in the park with our friends Rachel, Malchus and their twin daughters. I think Hilary is adjusting very well to her new (and temporary?) role as stay at home Mom. It helps that the weather has been so nice and that she has been able to hook up with friends a lot. 

The picture at he top shows Mariana enjoying her first taste of chocolate sorbet. Hilary drew a Van Dyke moustache on her face in chocolate. Nice Mom, nice.              

Latest accomplishments for Mariana: peekaboo, crawling (backwards a few steps today) saying Dada (ok, maybe a stretch but I heard what I heard ok?!) eating more and more solids - this week: avocados, bananas with yogurt, cheerios, and sweet potatoes. She also seems to know the word kiki for cat. 

MJV being cute

Thanks to my Mom for this dress. The warm weather has arrived in NYC, sweet! I'm not used to seeing her in such a girly outfit. It was pretty awesome to see. We spent chunks of the weekend sitting on the stoop enjoying the sun and catching up with friends. All our buddies from the block stopped by to meet Mariana and offer their well wishes. She has a tendency to draw a lot of attention. She just seems to make people happy (starting of course with us).

Also thanks for the Tigger jumpy swing Mom. You can see that she doesn't quite get it yet but is trying.  We've been trying to prop her up on her legs to get those thunder thighs working. She also displays her newfound clapping skills. 

My sister in law posted the following videos on youtube that are much longer, enjoy:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UX1CE9qMdx8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbFkGbs9RwE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwpaajq2zvs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88JYTiCv1wA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYvUTHvz8ys

Family

I need to take a moment to thank everyone in my family, especially my 

brother Carlo and his family. They made THE MOST fantastic set of blocks for Mariana that all of her cousins contributed to. For those who are unfamiliar with this story, Hilary and I made a set of blocks for each of of my siblings families over the years. If anyone can relate to how much work and love goes into them it's us. When they put that box in front of us I thought it was a toy chest- in and of itself awesome. But when I

 opened it and realized what it was I had all could do not to lose it. As we inspected each block they explained how each of Mariana's 17 cousins painted their own number block for her. How cool is that? What better statement of acceptance into our family than that? I think that when Mariana's birth parents thought about how her life would be better with us they hoped for a moment like this. We did too. Any subconscious worries about how she'll fit into the family were permanently put to rest I hope. So again to all of my si

blings and nieces and nephews, I love you, and thank you.

There are 100 things I want to write about Mariana. I wish there were more hours in the day so I could try to capture all the things I want to share with everyone like: how she's learned to schooch forward on her elbows like a commando going under barbed wire, how she's discovered her wrist and how she can rotate objects back and forth like a window display, how well our house plan is working that we hatched years ago when adoption seemed like a remote possibility, and about how Mariana's new favorite toy is the lid to a baby food jar (coined a "ghetto toy" by our friend Diana). Each one of these things is cause for reflection and more in-depth narration but unfortunately time will not allow it at this point. Will I remember all these details without recording them? Will I remember enough of them? All the little things from the first 2 weeks home... Will I remember what it felt like to put my old journal through the shredder in the midst of a clean-up? As I flipped through it, I saw how it was filled with anger and angst and thoughts of "how will I ever come to accept the thought of adoption"? That thought seems almost comical now that I know Mariana but it was very real then. How my family could come to accept it was even more remote at the time. Ha! Ya nevah know, ya nevah evah know...

Settling in

Here are some pictures from Newark Airport. We were met at the airport by Hilary's family. (*note the joy)

How thrilling is this latest post? I tell you, we've got one HOT day lined up. I'm going to venture out to the grocery store today for Mariana's first Fairway excursion. Then maybe hit the bank on the way home. If we're 

feeling kooky maybe we'll stop by Caputo's to pick up a ciabatta. The excitement never stops here in Brooklyn.

We have been settling in ok. Hilary is still feeling cruddy but Mariana is doing much better today. The river of snot has crested and she is acting like her old self again. The adjustment for us is more difficult than for her at this point. We have certain routines that we do in this house but she doesn't really care about those. "You do those things on your own time" she tells us. 

We've had a few visitors already but are looking forward to more. This weekend is Easter and Mariana can meet a chunk of the Verni horde. Hope she's ready for the chaos! 

Home =)

Just a quick note to let everyone know that we got home safe and sound yesterday. Mariana woke up all night long the night before last with a snotty nose. Of course we didn't realize what that would look like because in 4+ weeks of knowing her she hadn't yet had a cold. When we finally turned on the lights at 3 am after hearing her gurgle but fall back to sleep all night, we found our beautiful daughter's face slick and shiny. She'd rubbed and buffed snot into her entire face all night as it ran out of her nose, forming a nice thick layer of crust. The poor thing didn't know what to do with all that stuff. Hilary has the cold too but the plane was mercifully uneventful. Although only 8 months old she's already been on 2 continents and obtained 2 citizenship's. She's a prodigy I'm telling you.

Her first night in Brooklyn was more of the same with her waking up gurgling. Her mother though had crafted the brilliant solution of letting sleep in the car seat, propped up and therefore much more able to breathe. So there we were back in our own bed- Hilary on one side, me on the other and a friggin' car seat in bed between us just like pictured all those nights before. Ok, not really but at least Mariana was able to sleep a little better. 

We bought Chinese food on the way home and found our house and kitty in fine order. Our friend Talia from the neighborhood had come over and put a few things in our refrigerator to get us started: a carton of milk, a few mangoes and a bar of chocolate.What a sweetheart huh? Mariana will now begin receiving visitors who don't care to about being sneezed on or have their faces and glasses grabbed at with snotty fingers. 

Vamos!

Tomorrow, tomorrow, we come home tomorrow morning. We had breakfast with Helena and Agapito at their house. Awesome tamales, fresh bread and arepas, hot chocolate with cheese and mango juice. Very tasty. They are so great. Agapito regaled us with a few stories of Bogota's dangerous past including the time a bomb went off in the middle of the night in the empty yard behind their house. It blew out ALL of the windows in their house - front and back and they were all home including the 2 kids. Yikes. We looked at photo albums and met their son and daughter in law. It felt like visiting family. Hilary made a beautiful drawing of their grandaughter Miranda as a small present of thanks for all their help and hospitality.
The rest of the day was spent hanging around the Halifax and tying up loose ends. Hilary wasn't feeling well so I entertained the wee one. We made some cards with money as thanks yous for the staff and had a few drinks with the Sweedish and Dutch families. I ran to the grocery to stock up on the formula that Mariana is used to to ease her adjustment a bit. Food issues notwithstanding, we have enjoyed our time at the Halifax. To be surrounded by sympathetic and helpful, friendly people made everything so much easier. Last night Blanca came to our room to say goodbye. Hilary was sitting on the bed in her underwear but Blanca didn't care, just pushed me aside and came to give her a hug and Marianita a kiss. I'll miss the community situation here. We have lots of friends, in Brooklyn even, but none in the neighborhood so far. We'll have to take the steps to get out there and meet new parents because Mariana is quite the social butterfly.
I wanted to send a quick and long overdue thanks to my awesome brother-in-law Adam for "pimping my laptop". If I had to sit it the lobby to write this blog there would have been much fewer updates. So thanks again Adrock.
I'll try to keep writing when we get home. I enjoy it and I hope you've enjoyed following Marianas story with us. See you soon!

watch this video of my careless parenting. I thought she just wanted to lick the grass, not consume it, jeez.